Bit of a different one from me today as yes its my birthday which causes me a fair amount of social anxiety.
I’ve had a huge number of birthday wishes via social media and being asked “what are you doing for your birthday?”. Truthfully? Absolutely nothing.
This has stumped a few people as they struggle to understand why I don’t make a fuss or mark the day of my birth. If you are someone who loves birthdays and parties then truly I am so pleased for you – I do mean this. It must be lovely to enjoy these things and I wish you many more that you get to enjoy.
Empaths + birthdays in my personal world sadly do not mix.
Let me tell you why. Today really has been the penny dropping on this one – in fact the penny was clanging as it hit the floor.
Since I was a teenager I get really uncomfortable around my birthday, actually anyones birthday doesn’t have to be mine. And its not because the number is creeping ever upwards – no. I had denial when I hit 26 so I’m well past that stage.
No I get uncomfortable I realise NOW due to the energy focus.
As an empath I have always been able to feel what’s going on around me especially when I’m out and about – it can make sitting down for a meal or even a coffee a difficult thing if it’s busy or noisy – I have to work extremely hard to cut out the surrounding energetic chatter to fully concentrate on the person (s) I’m with.
To the point that those closest to me can see me spin out a bit if there’s just too much noise.
Noise is my kryptonite – always has been, probably always will be it. It sets my teeth on edge. I can feel the walls closing in and get totally overwhelmed by it all.
So yes when I’m in the company of others I’m hyper aware of conversation at other tables, where everyone is, who’s not in a good space etc etc so when a birthday cake gets rolled out for a random person with the customary singing I get a cold sweat. Which is one of the classic signs of anxiety.
The focus of the energy – humans are by nature nosy ba***rds and any suggestion of “oh look somethings going on over there lets see what it is” and like lemmings everyone turns to watch/join in/stare etc essentially focus even more energy onto one situation or person.
I’m shuddering even as I write this my aversion is so strong – but it’s mine to deal with and simply by writing this I’m getting a better understanding energetically of what I have to work on.
I am by nature a quiet person, not that I don’t have things to say rather that I go into observation mode 9 times out of 10.
When I was younger I was very introverted and had a tendency to flush at random times since the age of 13 (gotta love hormones ) – and I mean really flush, not a gentle blush a full on beetroot face that I could feel burning as it set in. One that would takes hours to die down.
Not easy to ignore – so many people would say oh she’s just shy and in some cases try to cause me to flush, nice huh? I wasn’t shy I realise now I was reacting to the energy and didn’t know how to process it as I had no idea about it back then and wrote it off as “simple” anxiety, overstimulation or being over sensitive.
I struggle to this day when I’m the focus of any attention. ANY attention.
So imagine yourself in my shoes when all of a sudden for 24 hours you become that focus – all that well meaning energy focussed on one single point.
It’s why I shrug off parties and birthday celebrations and lord help anyone if they ever bring out a cake in a public place, my poor parents did this when I was 15 or so and it backfired on them. For which I am still carrying guilt that I can now let go.
My discomfort goes through the roof while at the same time warring with the knowledge that someone has gone out of their way to be very kind.
So the self loathing jumps in for being ungrateful alongside the desire to get as far away as possible.
So as a form of sanity I used to not work on my birthday to not be in the office on the actual day (when I worked in an office) – to not be going anywhere or doing anything. To essentially become a hermit for the day (more than usual) and wait for the storm to pass.
Work to do………
I’m not quite as bad as I once was but it’s still there hence why I seem on the surface to ignore my birthday – especially the big ones.
Anxiety is not nice – and I totally empathise with anyone who suffers any form. Mine is very much social anxiety when it comes to birthdays.
I’m not being mean or a stick in the mud I truly can’t deal with that level of attention as it makes me want to peel my skin off or simply vanish before peoples eyes.
So if anyone you know or are related to sounds very similar to what I’ve put above do me a favour and cut them a break. Ask if they want to meet up at a random time when things calm down they may just hug you for it. Seriously.
Being an empath is a complicated thing – being an empath as a focus of attention/energy is something very different……being uncomfortable in your own skin and at times seriously overwhelmed.
As an energy worker I have a better understanding of what’s going on with me – but it’s taken decades and I still have a ways to go. And I will – this is my stuff to deal with.
Some possible tools to help anxiety or depression
As always it’s not one size fits all but there are things you can try when anxiety or depressions hits.
Meditation and exercise works for me – and exercise in the form of weights believe it ornate. Yoga makes me irritable but works wonders for others.
Clean eating or reducing sugar is another way to go as sugar can mess with your system.
Being out in nature away from media, social media and overstimulation can help to bring the stress levels down.
Or there are studies to show that Tumeric can help with anxiety/depression please see the following article on the possible benefits. I have used it myself before and I did notice a slight improvement. So it worked for me.
Ultimately anxiety and depression can be managed – you’ll find the combination of what works for you.
Dragon Ascension Therapies