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Realisations at 3am……WTF??!

So interesting nights sleep where I got woken at 3am to feed the cat (please don’t ask) and had a pretty profound half hour of realisations and acknowledgements.picture of petrified wood heart

This is simply where I am right now and it feels right to share -it may trigger a few folk it may not *shrugs* I’ll share regardless. It may not have my typical flow as I’m struggling a little to put into plain English .

So I may be a tad blunt.

I’m aware that I’ve been pretty quiet this last few months and its been deliberate as I’ve been integrating a pretty big shift. I’d said to my team I was tired of being in warrior mode 24/7 – its exhausting stuff! I don’t mind doing it but I needed a break. so I’ve gotten one…..a large one.


What’s been integrating in is that much gentler but is also helping to balance all the aspects of self that my human self is currently aware of. It’s letting me sit in a more balanced space and also sit in observation mode a lot more.

Nothing wrong with that. I go into observation mode quite a lot – its part of what I do.

“But you’re still running………”

What I have realised, very recently, is that I’ve been hiding a bit from what I do, what I’m able to do and what I’m being asked to step up and do. I’ve fallen into the trap of talking down, trivialising and basically running away from the energies that work through me and what they and by extension I are ACTUALLY capable of. Of telling myself its all ego and I shouldn’t be shouting “Look what I can do!” but actually in some way dismissing what I’m here to do. I’m letting myself be deliberately distracted by other bright shiny objects.

With every person I work with there’s a “How the hell did you know that?!” moment which confirms I’m simply the channel for the energies that work through me – they know what they’re doing and show me enough for the confirmation for the other person. But I still doubt myself and what it seems I can do – thats the human side of things and again I accept that , I’m working on it and likely will ALWAYS be working through parts of this as that’s who I am.

But this burying my head in the sand and looking the other way? That’s a little different.

So this mornings WTF revelations and realisations?


I AM doing what I am meant to be doing.
I AM sorting my own stuff
I AM helping others along the way
I AM hiding as I have a fear of being seen and recognised for what I can do……I AM capable of so much more, accept it and go with it.

There were 3 pieces of information that came through that are the ones before I would have run from or dismissed.

Number 1:
Yes there is a shadow vibration coming to the surface of “I had to learn the hard way so you can too. I don’t have all the answers work it out yourself!” Harsh I know as this ISN”T me , this is the OLD me …..I have been and continue to do my own work and if I’m able to help others along the way so be it.

I’ll be delving into this one to see where it’s stemming from, if its actually mine or if its someone else trying to and derail where I am at the moment, or even if its a form of self sabotage…….

I’ve said many times before I don’t deal with light and fluffy things – I deal with the not so nice things for myself and others. Because I can. I’m all about balance. I don’t subscribe to the “Love and Light” mandate as it’s not my reality. If it’s yours all power to you and I wish you well with it all – truly I do.

Some people say to get rid of the dark light a match and see it melt away. This is true but theres another part to that – when you strike the match what does that light do? It casts a shadow.

You truly cannot have one without the other the trick is to find that BALANCE between the two – thats MY reality and thats what I’m here to do :
My role is to Clear, Balance and Anchor, For myself, for others and for Gaia.

So I will do what I do and work through the shadow vibration , see what I can do to release and balance it out and not run from it – I don’t typically run from shadow as I know just how much it can shift when dealt with…..huge potential for shifts and changes that you would not expect. Give it attention so it doesn’t run away with itself and start a riot that you then have to diffuse and remove painstakingly from your system.

Number 2:
There have been things that folks seem to have an expectation I will do because Dragon Energy works through me. This is their expectation and in my reality myself and the team have started this work and then its been closed down. For now I’m not the right person to do this – simply because I have others things coming up that over-rule them.

What my team have said and shown me is that if these things are to be shared there are other people, other channels who are more than capable of bringing them forwards. I don’t have to do these things that OTHERS are expecting me to do.

If that changes then they will be set-up in a heartbeat – the fact that there is so much resistance from me to do them says a lot. Either its not the right time, I’m not the right person, my vibration has either changes or needs to change to be able to bring it forth, or simply folks will be shown what to do direct they don’t need my input.

If its not flowing I’m not fighting or forcing the issue.

Number 3:
The VERY interesting and polarising one – that takes a very different perspective on things.

*deep breathe*

We hear about this one a lot in the Lightworker field. I’m not a fan of the term Lightworker as the connotations are unbalanced – that you only work with light and ignore the shadow. Or even that you are fearful of the shadow aspects. I prefer the term Energy Worker – that resonates with me more as energy is all – not one thing or the other but the combination.

I digress.

Ego – this we hear a lot of in the energy field. That its bad, it undesirable, its to be removed etc etc etc
What was I given this morning? That perhaps our understanding of this is flawed or misinterpreted. Should we perhaps be acknowledging the ego and instead BRINGING IT INTO BALANCE rather than discounting, ignoring or eradicating…..something to chew on is it not.

If in balance does it perhaps not give us the opportunity to deal with the human aspects of ourselves and do the self work, the ancestral work, the past life work…..I have to say from an observation view point the whole dialogue about ego feels a little programmed to me and I am at the point of questioning a lot of popular beliefs. Even if it goes against the grain.

I agree that an out of control or over-inflated ego or sense of self is not great and leads to so so so many other issues but without SEEING or ACKNOWLEDGING this how do we learn? Being human the ego is part and parcel of what and who we are …..so I’m taking a different perspective on this one and challenging my own belief systems and if anything feels out of synch with myself I’m going to look at it in more detail and ask why.

“why do I believe this”, “does it resonate with who I am at my core”, “have I fallen in a pattern or programming”………

Ultimately I’m looking deeply into who I am and what makes me tick, working through the shadow stuff, acknowledging the big realisations, bringing myself back into balance and stopping dismissing what I do. Pretty big stuff for 3am.